my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
