I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
