we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
