Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
