Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
