Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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