Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
