my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
