i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
