im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
