Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
