The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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