I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
