Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize