i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
