it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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