What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
