I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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