I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
