Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize