I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
