i permit you to call me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
