The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
