They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
