Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
