Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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