Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You took a bar mat shot.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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