i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
