Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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