You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
