Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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