She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
