plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize