I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
