just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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