Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
