You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
