apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
