respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
