She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
