barbara walters just said penis...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
