I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize