Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
