the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
