he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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