The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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