and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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