i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
