Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
