Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
