She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
