You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
