I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
