The maid of honor just puked.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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