Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
