i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize