he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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