i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
