She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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