Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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