I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
