walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
