i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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