is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
