just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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