I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
